Friday, February 18, 2005

Defining some terms

Once upon a time, we all used to know what "is" is. Since then though, we have realized that this is too simplistic. Educated and intelligent people know that words sometimes have little to do with their prosaic dictionary definitions. So in the interest of keeping everyone on the same page as much as possible, I offer explanations of what the following popular buzzwords really mean.

Diversity: Blind and unquestioning acceptance of specific political, economic and social viewpoints, usually socialist and humanist in orientation

Awareness: see definition of 'Diversity' above

Justice: see definition of 'Diversity' above

Equality: treating everyone with the same indifference; aka justice

Free expression: "Take this, you stupid Jesus freak!!!"

Separation of Church and State: "Shut up, you stupid Jesus freak!!!"

Environment: The ecosystem of humans, preferably without the humans

Organic: For your own good, your salad was grown in cow dung and has a few bugs in it.

Kyoto Accord: an international agreement to punish wealth (see 'justice', above)

Educational achievement: I cant reed or rite good, butt I have a hi self a steam.

Total Quality Management: We don't actually do our work, we analyze it.

Competitive: government subsidized

Government reform: making lawyers competitive (see above)

Choice: (on abortion) a good thing

Choice: (in education) a bad thing

Choice: (in entertainment) making the arts competitive (see above). See also free expression (above)

Vital government program: money spent here

Pork barrel spending: money spent elsewhere

Homophobia: "Approve of my lifestyle or I'll call you irrational."

Self-esteem: self-centeredness

Assertiveness: "Give me what I want now, because I have a high self-esteem (see above)."

Strategic partner: A nation whose actions are deplorable but whom we need to be friendly with because they could hurt us

Consensus building: it's not your place to think, but to just go along

Of course, those of us in the church have our own lingo too. An explanation of a few expressions:

I'll pray about it: I don't want to make a commitment right now.

Fellowship: food and/or entertainment and/or hanging out

CCM: music, non-competitive (see above)

Sharing in love: gossip

Dying to self: OK, we won't get the Premium Sound System in our new SUV

Accountable: Now that I've found someone who agrees with all my viewpoints, we hold each other responsible to them.

Christian psychology: human behavior models based on studies of Christian rats

New move of the Spirit: I have no idea at all why we're doing this, but it feels good.